Santa Clause Acquitted - Christmas in the Clear!

In a holiday miracle, New York Judge Henry Harper has refused to find an elderly gentleman incompetent, after the Federal Government recognizes that he is Chris Kringle. - December 24, 2005 - special to Rominger Legal by Percivel Humpledink, US Editor.


Few Judges relish the notion of appointing plenary guardians or ordering the infirm into the hands of the geriatric care establishment. Just this afternoon, Judge Harper was spared this fate when Postmaster General Frank C. Walker ordered all 14.8 millions pieces of mail addressed to Santa, and being held in USPS vaults awaiting shipment North, be immediately sent to Chris Kringle c/o Macy's, Herald Square, New York , NY.

According to attorney Benjamin Matlock, this triggered an important legal principle, called Federal Preemption to force the State Courts to recognize Macy's Santa as the one true Santa. Matlock explained that this legal device is usually reserved for the use of large corporations, who have lobbyists who purchase it from Congress, mainly to prevent local rabble rousing and muck raking. He said using Federal Preemeption to protect the rights of an individual is unprecedented, and expects that if this trend continues it will be promptly abolished by way of the 14th Amendment.

Mr. Kringle, in response to the judges ruling said, "Ho ho ho... ..Merry Christmas, and to all a good night". In an exclusive interview, granted to this correspondent, Mr. Kringle added that he was really happy about the ruling, as he had checked the menu at his previous residence, a "Rest Home" on Long Island, and that they were "only serving fruit cake for dessert."

Macy's in apparently trying to find a use for all the envelopes, notes and letters they now possess, most of which are marked with colored wax. At least one employee has suggested shredding all 14.8 million letters for use as confetti and ticker tape, but there are no parades currently planned which would require such a large amount of paper baubles. Space has been found for all of Kringle's mail, but according to warehouse workers, there won't be room to store next years mail too.

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Judge Henry Harper has warned that this is the last year that he will become involved in this matter. He said from the bench, just before retiring to chambers, "every year around this time Macy's hires someone to play Santa, and every year I'm asked to commit this kooky, yet benevolent old man, and every year the Postmaster saves the day. I just wish next year somebody make a talkie out of it".

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